The Easiest Job

Sweat drooled down Doug’s face as he put more paper into stacks. He looked out the window to see the hot, yellow sun blazing in the sky, not a cloud in sight. It was the ideal day. Imagine sitting poolside, drinking soda, taking a dip in the pool if you became too warm. It was perfect, except, Doug wasn’t sitting poolside. It was early August, soon school would be in session once again. He didn’t have much time.


Doug couldn’t imagine a more boring and tedious job than the one he was doing. A normal little boy’s dream is to be an astronaut or police man when they grow up, but Doug didn’t have a dream. Doug had no idea what to do with his life. So, he ended up separating Alexander Thompson University admission applications from job applications.


He even had his own department, The Department of Applications. Doug was the only one who worked in this department and most people didn’t even know it existed. The work was so easy and unimaginative that most universities had robots do it. Unfortunately, Alexander Thompson University was on a particularly low budget. So, they hired Doug, who barely earned minimum wage.


The work was truly uncomplicated, it would be undeniably difficult to screw up.


A few weeks later, Mallory Davis walked into a large building for her freshman year of college. That building happened to be Alexander Thompson University. She followed the signs to the front office. She hoped to receive her class schedule at the office since it didn’t come in letter or email form. A elderly lady of considerable size was typing on a large, aged Windows 95 desktop computer.


“Hello, I didn’t receive my class schedule. I was hoping that you could help me,” Mallory explained.


The receptionist didn’t move. Mallory attempted to speak to her once more.


“Hello, I didn’t receive my class schedule. I was hoping that you could help me,” Mallory repeated. This time the words came out more quickly than the last.


The receptionist continued to type at her computer.


“Sorry, I see you’re busy. I’ll come back later,” Mallory said while walking out the door.


A tall man who had a young face with grey hair approached Mallory.


“Just the person I’ve been waiting to see!” the man exclaimed, “Come with me.”


The man led Mallory down a long hallway lined with doors leading to a variety classrooms and offices. Finally, the man turned into an office. In the small room, there was an oversized desk with a black leather chair sitting behind it. In front of the desk, there was a small folding chair. The man took a seat in the leather chair and gestured to the folding chair.


“Please, have a seat,” He said.


Mallory sat down. The man extended his hand to her.


“My name is Mr. Walter. I’m the President of this University,” Mr. Walter said.


“I’m Mallory,” Mallory said while shaking Mr. Walter’s hand.


“Here’s your nametag and list of students,” Mr. Walter explained. “I would’ve given you a tour of the school now, but since you’re a little late we don’t have time for that. I’ll show you to your classroom. I assume you’ve already received and gone over the curriculum for this school year.”


“Nametag? List of students? Gone over the curriculum?” Mallory said, “We may have had a little bit of a misunderstanding. I’m a student.”


“Of course you’re a student! That’s our school’s motto, you never stop learning!” Mr. Walter exclaimed, walking out the door.


“No, I mean, I’m not a teacher!” Mallory explained, becoming flustered.


“You’re just a bit nervous!” Mr. Walter said walking into a classroom that read Ms. Davis outside the door, “You’ll get used to it eventually!”


Mallory walked into the classroom. Rows of desks filled the classroom and a massive whiteboard hung on a wall in the front of the room. What seemed to be Mallory’s desk was huge, wooden and at the front of the classroom. She walked over to her desk and looked down at the thick, green book waiting for her. On the cover it read, Biology. She looked up at Mr. Walter, who waved, smiled, and exited the room. A flow of college students entered the room and sat down at the desks.


This is how Ms. Davis’ unwanted career began.

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